Time, they say, is the best healer. Well, in my case, I don’t feel too healed. Maybe not sufficient time has elapsed yet. I was with her again last night. Every night I try to forget her, the memories grip me tighter. This time she was sleeping in my arms as she used to love to do. Her head rested on my outstretched left hand, her soft face nuzzled in my chest. She used to love sleeping in this position, she said she loved to smell the dip of my chest. My other hand was slowly caressing her hair and she snuggled in closer and closer until two bodies were but one. I could feel the soft undulations of her heavy breast rise and fall with every breath she took. Her hands were ensconced near my abdomen – peculiarly this wasn’t sexual at all. She looked more like a fairy than human when she slept. So innocent were her closed eyelids, curved eyelashes, and the slight pout of the fine lips, the rounded cheeks and the small chin. Her hair fell askew over face and her nose flared ever so slightly every time she took breath – she dropped into a peaceful slumber. I used to spend so much time watching her as she slept that I can remember every slight contortion of her face and every curve of her balled up body in that pose. I kissed her lightly on her forehead first, then slowly on the cheeks and finally on the lips. At times, she used to love me when I did this, at other times she simply gave a low grumble and turned her back to me, indicating that she wanted to sleep and I was being a nuisance. Either way, I loved it.
Even as I replayed the whole thing in my mind, I could feel the acute sense of loss – as if even in my dreams she was slipping away from me. Reminds me of that song Madhavan sang in the movie, Rehna Hai Tere Dil Me, “Ek din bhoola doonga main usse, chahoonga na mai ussko, ja baata de uss patthar ko”. I slept very little all night, what with all my dreams and the bedbugs that seem to have a feast of my blood every time I am back from a couple of days hiatus. I waged war with them all night, killing a bevy of those little buggers, but losing my sleep in the process. When I woke up in the morning I was very groggy and I felt like I was having a terrible hangover. Went for my dental check up where the Maj Bharat Khanna took a whole lot of time to see me only to tell me that I should come back after one more month. He is one the biggest shammers I have met till date. Every time I go for acheck up he tells me to come back after a month. In the meanwhile, my teeth are going from bad to worse. It was not a total loss though. I had a great time looking at this lady who looked surprisingly like Dimple Kapadia. She accentuated her look by dressing up like Dimple and styling her hair in the same manner too. Well gain some, lose some.
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