FLOATING TO THE STARS

Building new acquaintances everyday, washing away debris of yesterday
Today's debris start accumulating, tomorrow's keep waiting in a list
Waves every minute washing away the footprints on the sands of time
Every sparkle a ray of false hope, yet every one brings a scope for more
Even as the particles disintegrate, memories fading away with every wave
Every particle has destiny together they come, separate they leave
Standing on the shores of passing time, I wait for one fallen pearl
Fallen hopes, raining pain, steaming lights, twinkling stars, shivering leaves
Looking through a misty mirror, faint images from past and future
soaring in the breeze, washed clean by the dew, forever upward I go.

LONELYMAN

Running water, underneath my feet
Standing under a bridge life beneath
Raising storm, water churing, hands raised
Flashing lights, blaring horns, deluded minds
Frozen soul, stiffer than the obituary column
Numb with shock, screeching tires
Nothing matters, floating spirals of smoke
Lonely fish swimming in a shoal
Bottles of alcohol make home next to garbage
No escape from this gilt cage,
NO ESCAPE, ABSOLUTELY NOT!!

Adventures in LonelyMind

My wife says that I'm becoming a fat sloth. I guess she is right, but then I don't have much choice do I? The funny thing about life is that it brings you options and choices that you don't even realise have come and then when you wake up they are long lost in time that will never come back. I have always felt that it is sheer folly to look back and keep reminiscing or ruing my lost chances. When Dev left me I was devastated, but then on one fine morning I said to myself that I won't be a slave to my demons. I have never looked back, and it is not with little pride that I can say that her leaving me didn't scar me in any way at all. This has taught me a valuable lesson in life. The harder you assume something will be, the harder it actually gets. If you assume that it is feasible and doable, it will become easy. This is something that I have made my catch phrase and my motto. hence, the harder something looks, the more enthusiasm I show in order to conquer it. this is not to say that I don't fail, for I do,maybe more than some. But at least i fail trying what most would have given up as impossible.

This life of mine has been an adventure that I have embraced wholeheartedly. Fortunately, we live in a time when our lives are not put at risk everyday and we probably live in one of the safest times ever (just until that stupid enfant from North Korea or some idiot megalomaniac from China does not hatch a plan to overthrow the existing world order). So, we have to devise our own adventures, some that have no place in the current scheme of things. I live to fulfill my heart's loneliness with some moments of pure bliss. It is why I'm the happiest when I'm supposed to be scared the most. It is also why it is a great sorrow that rages in my heart that I strive forever to overcome. I'm all surrounded by people who love me and yet here I am all so alone. I do not know whether this focus on the self is the path to salvation as so many godmen preach or if it is just a safe and modern way to be really self-centred and selfish. Somehow,all the while that Archie is here I don't feel the void. It's when she leaves that I feel so alone and so cold. It is her presence maybe which keeps me so 'full', if that be the right word. When she is here, I get happy, satisfied, angry, upset all at the same time. When she is not here its all gone at once. somehow, its so different from the time when I had fallen so truly madly deeply in love with Dev. Whenever I used catch i glimpse of her, or even someone who looked remotely like her, my heart literally sputtered and stood still. It is always that feeling that I strove to feel again, that raw feeling of teenage heady rush of madness. Those days when the consequences of your actions belonged to your parents, its those days I have been longing for forever.

Ever since Archie entered my life it has never reached the same crescendo, and I have never made any bones about it either. I have been clear to her that I don't expect the rush of first love repeat itself and yet, i have wronger her heavily. It is not the cheap thrill of first love which matters but the slow and sure sense of belonging together. I have always cried at the feeling of true romance, at the tear jerkers which are regularly produced by Hollywood and Bollywood. I am really soft when it comes to the real emotions of life and all my bustle and bluster is a rather unfit armour against such emotions. Yet, I have missed the fact that I have truly fallen in love and this is the most beautiful emotion ever.

Missing my friends

Too lonely here in this world without friends. I wonder how the prehistoric man used to live without friends and bonding. This is why you need friends, family and close relatives. This why I hate being me. I have lived what others want and yet I have realised that I have never achieved what I want. Achievements alone don't fulfill your days, necessities and luxuries combined don't give you the opportunity to be whole. Whoever coined the phrase "Man is a social animal", knew what he was talking about. I have always wondered why we love going back to our roots and why we treasure the days of our childhood the most. The fact remains that those are the days that have been the happiest in our lives and it is neither sin nor a wonder that we crave to turn time back and head back to our wombs. The days of fun, frolic and  careless enjoyment are restricted to our childhood and that is what remains the most attractive destination no matter who we eventually become. From the girl who sees the whole wide world to the guy has slept with half the world, we all want to go back to our friends, to our small hometowns, to our roots, to our unbidden lives full of unparalleled revelry. Some day, I wish to head back to my hometown, to my Kalyani, and to spend some years there with my parents and my friends and all that I used to love. The days of organising theatres, the days of making fun of the girls and a secret smoke, the days of the illicit drinks and the hidden pornography, the days of the shared lunch and the hours in class waiting for that one girl to turn and smile at me. For a few days I want all that back. But, my days are gone and others have taken my place. It is their turn now to create memories that someday they will try and crawl back to, and I'm not needed. My days are gone and no footprints remain in the sands of time, the mute grounds witness to generations of me. Some times I wish a small part of the grounds, to rejuvenated everyday by the elixir of careless abandon, but not even a grass of these grounds need me. We remain only in our memories and forever lost to the world, lesser than tiny specks of dust.

I do miss you all my friends, no matter where we met and where you are. I wish you all the very best in what you do and I hoope that you find true happiness in your lives.

Frozen Soul

Have I lost myself is what I wonder,
Have I no soul anymore?
When the sky cries and the waves shed their tears,
When the earth roars its disappointment,
When the world stops spinning, I have no feeling.
Has my heart been touched by the eyes of Medusa?

I had the heart of a wanderer, I had the eyes of a traveler
I had the soul of a child and the heart of a fawning puppy
I cried at every tender moment in every movie, book and life itself
My tears purifying my experience, my feelings in a knot
My heart stopped beating every time I saw my girl,
My heart soared the skies with all my hopes and my emotions.

I loved with the same passion that the rain loves parched soil
I wanted with the same desire that a nomad wants water
I soared above life on the wings of  swan and soared along with it
I lived in my dreams and in others too and I loved in them too.
Have I lost being me, yet continue to be?

Where is the tune that will bring my sleeping soul to life?
The one that haunts my dreams with its lilting beauty
The one that brings tears to my eyes with its mellifluous serenity
The one that causes grass to grow in deserts and merry streams to flow
The one that changes ever so often and yet remains eternal
The one whose tune I hear forever, yet grows distant evermore.