SAY NO TO BLACKBERRY

The present craze maybe to buy a Blackberry as the favourite BBM is an overwhelming favourite of all, but m experience says quite the opposite. Nothing beats Nokia for that matter. Its battery life is unmatched, the phones are sturidier than the bricks used to construct Government buildings in India and extremely resistant to heat, stress, water and other forms of damage. However, the best part of it is like a Maruti car it can be repaired any where and any time. The components are cheap and affordable and unlike the other phones it can be trusted. My Blackberry has given me untold miseries over the Last one year. The software is flimsy and gets corrupted ever so often and the phone stalls like a cheap Chinese toy the moment you try to run more than one operation simultaneously. The battery life is really shabby, lasting less than #3 hrs of non- stop usage. The worst part is the hardware is really fickle and prone to damage. Guys, this is the Sheldon Cooper of mobile phones. Everyone's favourite, yet no one knows why. Everyone wants to see it yet it hasn't delivered yet. Now, to top all my other woes of the touch pad not working and the software getting corrupted, the phone itself refuses to switch on. On taking it to the service centre, they had a funny way of putting it. The phone is water damaged they said as the litmus paper placed inside had changed colours. When informed that it could have happened due to sweat as well, they just turned it around and asked me to go back to the old service station as that service station was apparently better. When informed that there was no other service station in Goa, they just gave up. Now,I'm just praying that the phone starts as all my data is in the phone and would get lost otherwise. Fingers crossed and swear to buy Nokia next time.

INDIA'S AND GOA'S ONLY NUDE BEACH

Yes, I'm not kidding!! No, I'm not pulling your leg and yes, I'm in my senses.  India does actually have a nude beach and its in Goa!! Now, I know that Goa is the closest most Indian Guys will ever come to getting to see women almost nude on the beaches. Frankly, no other place in India offers this much of skin show in public. No wonder then that most Indian men, fed on a steady stream of Hollywood movies, internet porn and their wildest imagination expect Goa to be all that and more when they come. However, sad to say, most of them also come to goa hoping to get laid as most indian men equate bare skin with loose morals and an invitation for promiscuity. hence, the leers, the stares, the gawking, the loud raunchy comments and the cheap booze driven desperation. . unfortunately, none of this ugly behaviour compensates for their crazed obsession to find women to have sex with as, thankfully (?) Goans are quite prurient and chaste. Hence, neither does prostitution thrive in goa nor do the locals allow prostitutes to enter. So, unless you are staying in some posh hotel where they will get you russian and israeli escorts for 5-8 grand or you are ready to satisfy yourself with the utterly pathetic, disease ridden souls parading their bodies for sustenance near Baina beach you won't find much to look forward to in Goa. The one redeeming aspect in this sphere is the gallant chivalry of the Goan beach boys. They will sell themselves for a meager amount to any fair skinned firang woman, even the ugly and hopeless ones who wouldn't dream of catching a boy for such an amount in their own countries. Hence, once you come to terms with this disappointing aspect of Goan life, the only silver lining remains the skin show on the beaches. The more the merrier.

The first time I realised that breasts weren't really worth looking at was when i saw a pair of them on one dilapidated old carcass carrying herself with the new found swagger of the ugly duckling who suddenly realises that her wasted frame was still worth men tripping over themselves. And the story went on and on. there were more and more breasts on display and most of them were not really worth a second glance. for all of my distinguished readers discreetly wiping their drool, all this and much more is available on Goan beaches if you have the energy to venture out on a hot a afternoon. for the best time to catch people sun bathing is when the sun's around. even then you have to know where to be if u want to catch the action as it were and that's what i'm here for. i'm here to open the doors to the secret world of goa to one and all, to wash the dirty linen in public per se, to get you up to date with those mouth watering, heart-skipping-a-beat secrets of goa that you have heard being whispered about and never witnessed.  yes, there are nubile young women (or sexy young chicks in the general lingo) and hot young men all attired in their birthday suits roaming the shady nooks of this beach and you just have to know your way to this place.

enough of the suspense already you say? well, maybe i was piling it on a little. so let's get down and dirty. this beach is called Arambol beach. now there will be some who will be tut-tutting and shaking their wise heads, murmuring to their confidantes that they had been to this beach last year and there was nothing special to speak of. well, for all those skeptics, the action is not in open view, it cannot be. india has a law against public nudity and these people are well aware of it. so, they seek some shelter where they wont be thronged by shameless indian men staring at their genitalia while they try to colour themselves brown, or a burnt red as the case maybe. when you reach Arambol beach you have to ask for the sweet water lake. this is one amazing feature of the Arambol beach which in itself makes the beac a prized tourist attraction. however, its not easy to find. it is about 10-15 min of walk across a narrow hilly lane along the seaside, dotted with small shops selling the sort of junk you will find in any tourist destination and particularly in goa. at the end of your journey you will be rewarded by the sight of a glorious beach on your left, a rousing mountain ahead and a cool fresh water lake nestled at foot of the hill and separated by about 50 mtrs of sand from the sea. there are shady palm and coconut trees along the border. if you wade into this lake, the water is not over 5 feet deep at any place. you can walk up the lake into the mountainside as far as you want to. one word of caution. it is probably better to carry some footwear while you wade into the lake as the rocks get a little slippery at places and can cut your feet. as you move up the lake, the stream becomes narrow and you reach the treasure trove of multani mitti. most tourists prefer to lather their entire bodies with this free supply of multani mitti and then walk back along a separate trail down the mountainside. Finally take the holy dip in the lake and wash off the soil and hope that you glow!! :D

If you go ahead of this small lake along the beach for about 100 meters you will hit the rocky mountainside. Just keep climbing these rocks and get to the other side. and along your way you will find small pockets of sand. Ofetn in these pockets you will find small groups or couples. These people are actually looking for a secluded corner to sunbathe in nude in peace. these small pockets in the rocky mountainside will continue till you reach Keri beach on the other side of the mountain. In between you will come across a couple of rather spacious tunnels through the mountain side, small rivulets and narrow ledges along the sides of the mountain. It is here that I've seen beautiful birds as well. But, most impressive of all, I've seen beautiful young women nude, lying sitting, standing in all poses imaginable, doing all sorts of stuff from rubbing sunscreen on their breasts to sitting spreadeagled tanning their innards. Its is also this that attracts some local youth from sitting on some high rock close by and watch these fair skinned beauties reveling in their god given nudity. So, my advice is that go and take a look, but dont be obvious about it. let these poor souls have their peace dont pester them by looking and gawking at their nude bodies coz they are looking for some peace and solitude as much as anybody else.

MISSING HEART, BLEEDING HEART

I don't know what has happened to me. i  don't know how best to express my feelings.I've always taken refuge in the arts in moments of of pain. And I'm in extreme pain now. Depressed sounds more like a clinical case and given the Indian mentality to outcast anyone with a mental illness or even a semblance of it, Id rather say that I'm sad. I can't breathe properly, I can't sleep peacefully, I cant see myself in the mirror as I haven't shaved in the last few days, I don't feel like taking a bath, I don't want to talk to anybody , play games or go to the beach and swim. Its all a blurry mirage.. as if I have myopia. I never thought that I would experience these feelings again. I have lived with just myself for company for the last 8 years and more. I have always been a little  unsocial, socially awkward, not knowing what to do, what to say, how to express myself and what emotion I should be feeling. So, I didn't know that I could feel these emotions again. I always knew that i loved my wife, and also that i cared a lot about her. What I didn't know was that I've grown to love her so much that this short separation from her is actually more painful than anything else I've ever know. I always was of the opinion that I loved Devbarna more and never more would I ever find someone ti replicate that innocent love of childhood. After all, they say that first love is never replaced. 

But, I was so wrong. Trust me, all that they say that first love cannot be replaced is bullshit!! after all, my first love duped me, tried to tell me that its all my fault while going on behind my back with her colleague. The woman I had decided to give up everything for decided that I was just not worth it and found a much wealthier guy for herself. Whereas the woman I promised love but never expected to love so much has suffered all the repercussions of Dev's indecency. She may not have silently borne the brunt of all my tantrums and she may not be the ideal wife as per Indian standards, but she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. She drinks and taught me how to enjoy drinks without getting drunk. she wears western clothes, loves to party, and is the woman every man would love to be with. Slowly, yet steadily she has taken over my heart in such a manner that Now even if she leaves me and goes for her work for a couple of days I get depressed. She never promised anything yet she has delivered more than I could have ever imagined. This sounds like a lovelorn youngster out of school, but its true. You can love your wife as much as you may ever love any other woman. I've seen my parents have a loving married life for more than 25 years now. I hope some day my kids will get inspired the same way. I hope that he/she is as lucky as I am and ends up with as amazing a woman as I have.

But what do I do with this heart of mine? She isn't coming back for the next 07 days and its already been 19 days since she left. I need to find some sort of settlement in life where I can work with my wife by mu side at all times. Love you Archana.

GOA IN THE MONSOONS

Now if there are a few places that are mandatory to visit in the rains its kerala, ooty and all those famous places that people will advise you to go. In fact, you will hardly ever meet anybody who will advise you to visit Goa in the monsoons. But the fact of the matter is this; I have no choice in the timing of my visit... I come and go as the navy pleases and so here I am at the behest of the Indian navy trying to get some training in naval provost and policing duties...




However, this time around the trip has been more of a revelation anything else. I have spent three years in this state without actually knowing much. And although I had promised myself that I would never visit this corner of the earth again (got to do with my bad memories of academy and stuff!), this time around I am actually feeling good that I came. the proverbial circle has been completed over the course of the last year. At one point of time, around June last year, I was so fed up with life in general and navy in particular that I had committed the greatest mistake of my life. In addition, I had also put up my papers for premature discharge from the naval service. quite expectedly, the authorities that be, sat comfortably on those papers until I decided (which was in no mean terms influenced by the sight of the sorry plight of the other officers who had put up their papers) that there was no point in being stupid and taking on the system, for it was far to huge and organised to be taken down by a powerless mortal like me. So, I decided that I had to work two pronged, build connections and work the way the system does, and find my way around the obstacles ahead. Fate had dealt me a fair hand in posting me to INS angre. As any experienced naval officer will tell you, posting in any depot ship is next only to posting in any headquarters as far as education in the service goes. These postings help in removing the blinds from your eyes and setting your priorities right as far as working in the navy is concerned. I was fortunate that I had been posted so early in my career in a ship as huge as angre and, though I had no notion of it at the time, it was the ideal platform for me to prove myself. The fact that I was so much younger to everybody else in the unit only helped my case as everybody tended to forgive my mistakes as those committed due to inexperience while my every good work was praised beyond normal grading. I had some excellent mentors in the unit the form of commanders and lt commanders who played a full hand in educating me in the nuances of the service, showing me the correct path to take in every circumstance, as well using their contacts to my advantage whenever required. at the cost of this article starting to sound too much of a thank you note, I would like to mention the valuable assistance of cdr ghosh, lt cdr preetika, lt cdr vatsala, and cdr gm singh. These men and women really made me regain my lost faith in the service. What I had always needed was work that would require all my grey cells to work full time. And this was what happened in angre. I was given a free rein to work as the works officer, which meant that although I was taking decisions about crores of rupees nobody ever questioned my judgment. This also meant I had to doubly responsible and prove worthy of the faith reposed on me by my commanding officer. As works officer I was justifiably proud of my work and pride in what you do goes a long way in building interest in your work. So, it was with the help of all these circumstances coming together tat I had my honeymoon phase in the service, something that I hadn't thought was possible.



So, when I finally decided to heed to better judgment and stop fighting the system and start manipulating it, I realised the efficacy of this suggestion. Cmde ramesh kumar, my commanding officer, was instrumental in helping forward my case at the naval headquarters and at a very early stage of my career (all the other officers in my batch have had to wait for a minimum of four years!) I was sent for the provost course. However, like I have already mentioned, the proverbial circle had come a full revolution and the prodigal son had returned. That I would ever feel nostalgic to visit this place, that I would ever call it my Alma mater was beyond my imagination. Yet, such is time that it not only heals all wounds, it creates new bonds. I actually feel sorry that the academy has shifted from this place and the whole place wears the deserted look a puja mandap looks after the immersion of the deity. The grass has grown wild, the vegetation has become greener, the buildings, shabby, broken and leaking, the parks in dire need of maintenance. It looks like a ballerina in the last stages of her glorious career. Yet, there is romance in the air and expectations of the future in the firmament of every building. It is as if every one is waiting with bated for the conjurer to remove the cloth and transform the frog into prince charming. The rains in this place are heavy and abrupt. The clouds roll in all of a sudden, covering up the sky with ominous darkness, and before you have time to realize what the next part of the programme is going to be, the deluge drenches you to the bones. The rains here aren’t soft and soothing as in Mumbai, they don’t come sashaying in like a coy bride. They come with the thundering velocity of a prizefighter, and the abruptness of a prima Donna. The nights are mysterious with the calls of a million insects sending shivers down your spine. Even as I look out of my glass windows at night, the moon shines brighter than I have ever seen it in Mumbai, through the dark branches of some or the other tree. The sea roars incessantly at the foot of the mountain, in a way beckoning me closer. Sometimes if I hear intently, I can hear the sound of a soft rattle, underlining the danger that lurks just outside the safe confines of my cabin.



I went visiting some of the beaches today and though its off-season, the place is still teeming with tourists. The fair skin is always a lure to the Indian eyes, male or female, and the shameless gaping at the foreign tourists is what makes for a bitter taste in the mouth. But then, Goa is supposed to be as far as you can go to get your full of carnal desires within this country. So, I guess all who come here come with a lot of expectations and I need not mention the limits that the suppressed Indian male libido can scale when given a free rein. Loved the beaches in the rain though. Went to Miramar. Dona Paula, calangute, baga, anjuna, vagator and coco beaches. In addition, had my full of the agauda fort. Had breakfast in calangute and lunch in aguada. One thing begs mention though, the change in the general attitude of the people. I have no idea whether it is just me or it’s the general case (though I have been assured by quite a few that this is the general case) but the people seem to have become very aggressive. It is no longer the laid back Goa I have seen during my cadet days but the Goa that demands its pound of flesh vehemently. Well, all things considered this is a wonderful opportunity to enjoy this beautiful state!

BONG SIN THE WORLD CUP

Subroto Majumdar -

This time around, too, there are quite a few Bongs playing for various countries. With Denmark having qualified, hordes of boddyis from the famous Sen family of Baidyanath Dham are in action.
 Soren Sen (Jersey No. 1) will keep goal for them while two of his distant cousins are his deputies – Ander Sen (16) and Christian Sen (22). In defence, there are more….. Jacob Sen (6) and Simon Poul Sen (15). The midfield sees the presence of Christian Poul Sen (2), Jen Sen (7), the veteran Jogen Sen (10) (who is now called Jorgen in Danish), Jakob Poul Sen (14), Enevold Sen (20) and young Erik Sen (21) who at 18 is one of the youngest players in the competition this year.
The Denmark attack has Lar Sen (18) who scored 5 goals in 5 games during qualification. The team is coached by the round old man Ol Sen, who played with such distinction in 1986, albeit with a sore throat. Boddyis as you know, have spread everywhere. Germany has a boddyi in their squad, defender Jan Sen (2), while another defender Mathij Sen (4) is playing for the Netherlands. Yet another defender Nel Sen (6), presumably a descendant of Nellie Sen Gupta, is captaining New Zealand. Why most of these boddyis are defensive is a question, that I shall avoid answering.
 Other countries have their Bongs too, though they may not be boddyis. The first name that comes to mind is that of the Cameroon defender from the French club Valenciennes – Gaetan Bong (Jersey No. 12). Here is a Bong who proudly announces his awesome heritage. Ghana has a descendant of Prince Dwarka Nath Tagore in their squad – striker Prince Tagoe (12).
(Some obvious clerical error has somehow removed the “R” from his surname.) A scion of the Sonar Bene family of Chetla is also in the Ghana team – defender Lee Addy (19). Ivory Coast has a somewhat retarded Bong in their squad – defender Arthur Boka (3), while another Sonar Bene or Johuri is their number 6 – defender Steve, though he now spells his surname with a `G’ and is listed as Steve Gohouri. (La French influence, no doubt!) Another Bong in the Ivorian squad is film star Bumba da’s younger brother defender Bamba (22). Nigeria has appointed a Bong as captain – striker Kanu Babu (4).
 Another Bong in the Nigerian team will try to forget the bitterness and deliver – he is striker Kalu Uchhe (12). France has left out Saha Babu this year, but they do have two elderly Bongs in their squad, midfielder Malou Da (15) and goalkeeper Mandan Da (16). (As their jersey numbers signify – Bongs do tend to stick together, especially in a foreign country.) Japan too has three elderly Bongs in their squad – defender Uchi Da (6), midfielder Hon Da (18) and forward Tama Da (11). The three dadas shall adequately look after the three departments of defence, midfield and offence.
  Another Bong in the Japanese squad is that great disciple of Goddess Kali – midfielder Ma Koto Hasebe (17). 53 year old Oka Da is the Japanese coach. That perennially lazy Bong is in the Spanish squad once again – he who never even hits a ball – He is defender Carlos Marche Na (4).

growing up

Archana Shah When I was 10, rubber meant eraser, ass meant donkey, gay meant happy, straight meant linear, making out meant logical deduction, laying meant setting aside, cock meant rooster, pussy meant cat, stag meant a male dear and a tit was always for a tat! English has changed so much now days!!

so many things change as we grow up!! its no great shakes growing up i can tell you. but we all want to grow up so much when we are kids...guess its all a part of that elusive thing called the human psyche. :D

im sorry

im sorry that i lost the watch that you gave me, the one that had cost you so much yet won so little appreciation. it had a small dial and you had thought that it will suit my wrist best. however, everyone including me told you that it wasnt that great. you werent that stupid to just quote its price and wow us all. so you just became sadder all the while. why didnt you tell me? it was so stupid of me not to realise its worth. i just took it for another gift that you had got for me and i lost it before even a year was over. it was then that you told me that it was worth a 12and a half thousand rupees. even today when i buy a watch that costs 9000 rs on my own and my purchasing capacity has grown so much 12.5 k seems so high. then you had this huge loan and you had to spend such horrid time in uk having to cut costs. yet you managed to buy that gift for me. i have been really insensitive at times and i must ask for you forgiveness for every little thing that i had done wrong, even though i know that you will never get to hear this, read this or whatever. it just needs to get out of me.. i still miss you but only sometimes. i have almost forgotten you. yet we spent so much time together, there are so many small things that just reminds me of you.

THE BEST PATISSERIE IN TOWN

theo broma is widely reagarded as the best patisserie in mumbai. crowned the best patisserie by the times food guuide and a whole host of other renowned food guides this small shop in the heart of colaba enjoys a special place in the heart of mumbaikars and confectionary connoisseurs from far and wide. those that have had a bite of its delectable pastries, truffles, cakes, breads, chocolates and a whole host of other delicacies, spread the message of pure ecstasy far and wide and, as a result, people come flocking from from far away distances to taste the delicacies that do justice to the name. by the way, the name in itself means 'God's own food' in greek. the first time i came across this small nook in colaba next to the hp petrol pump was when i was told prior to the navy ball by lt cdr pritika that there existed this absolutely mind blowing confectionery in colaba and i might try and get them to come for the navy ball. that was when i was introduced to the theo broma. so, i went hunting for this shop, and hunting it was, for it was hidden right in front of all of our noses. the location and the interiors kind of reminded me of that fabulous movie 'Chocolat' starring judi dench and johnny depp, written by joanne harris. it was pure magic and you could feel it the moment you entered the premises. kamal messman, the chef who is the heart behind this shop and her daughter kainaz messman are absolutely unbelievable and it was a beginning of a love affair that has lasted for more tahn a year now. the cheese cakes. made from raspberry, blueberry and mango are a delight to have anyday. however, in my opinion the best part of the menu is the brownie. i tell you mon cherie, i have never in my life tasted such chocolate roasted ecstasy. i can make a pilgrimage just to taste one of their brownies. this is to say nothing of their range of other products. if there is one thing i will miss when i leave mumbai it will be theo broma and its soul stirring brownies. thanks a lot kamal and kainaz, may theo broma prosper for long.

i may have been an asshole when i was presumptuous enough to state that mumbai was a place that i hated!! after all. mumbai is a place where men and women from all over india flock to realise their dreams. it is that elusive land of el dorado which Ulysses had gone in search of. for millions of indians unsatisfied with their lives, nunbai offers that faint glimmer of hope that provided them sustenance in  the days to come. there was a time when i saw the pollution that is so rampant in mumbai. seriously, there seems to be so much pollution in mumbai that quite often i believe the species of human beings who live here must be the next evolved species of homo sapiens. after all, how on earth can the human beings who for millenniums have adjusted themselves to the free and pure air that can only be found in the valleys of the himalayas as of today,  adjust themselves to the highly poisonous air that we breathe in when we come to mumbai? today, however, i realise that this air is what we create, the payment we make to the devil for the comforts science provides us. no wonder then that it is said that too much power and too little control is the most potent formula for destruction. that is what we are -- a formula for destruction. so why blame a city? this city on the banks of the great arabian sea has borne much, to mention nothing about the sea of humanity that has desecrated its shores. for centuries this city has allowed us to pollute it, all the while patiently providing us with water, rain, air and the sky. we have tried our level best to cut down on all these resources and today when we stand on the brink of destruction we blame the city! the prodigal son hath not returned , yet there seems to be no dearth of reasons to blame the city. its time we sat up and took notice of how this beautiful city has not only been our mother but also a hero in disguise.

so much to do

so much to do, so little time to accomplish everything. i want to be the next tagore, the next bill gates, the next mother teresa, the next barack obama, the next great thing. i want to be revered in my own time and respected by posterity. i want to be the richest man on earth and give it all away to the poor and needy. i want to set right everything on earth and i want to love like only i could. i want to write poems that would drive millions mad, and i want to sing like kishore kumar and john denver put together. i want my mom to be as happy as she ever was giving birth to me. i want my dad to be proud for being my dad. i want to be on top of the world and only one lifetime to achieve that. is that asking for too much?